We live in a time where the general attitude is: “each one for him or herself!” Yet, if you take the time to think about all the people in your life, you will realise that there are many who do not live by this philosophy. People who go out of their way to help, support and encourage others. People who are willing to make big sacrifices for the benefit of others they know like friends, colleagues, parents, family members or even those they do not know.

In most cases they prefer for their kindness not to be named. However, should you speak the magic words to these unselfish people it will light up their lives and be exactly what they need to carry on. The magic words are: “Thank you”.

There is an ancient story of a slave with the name of Androcles who lived in Roman times. His master was cruel to him and one day he escaped. He went into a nearby forest and hid in a cave. What he didn’t know, though, was that the cave was actually the den of a huge lion. After a while in the cave, Androcles heard the roar of a lion and tried to escape, but the lion was already in the entrance. Androcles thought it was the end of his life. To his surprise however, instead of attacking him, the lion limped to the side of the cave and made little whining noises.

When Androcles saw this, he went to the lion, lifted his paw and saw that in the inflamed and swollen paw a huge thorn had embedded itself. Androcles removed the thorn, forced pus from the wound and dressed it as best as he could. The wound healed completely. From that day forward Androcles and the lion shared the cave.

The lion even shared his food with the former slave. After living together for a few years, Androcles decided to go back to society. However, when he was recognised, he was arrested and taken to the theatre to be devoured by wild animals. On the day of his execution in the arena, the hungry animals were set loose. Amongst the other animals was a huge lion who stopped and smelt the air. He then ran to Androcles and licked his hand and rubbed his giant head against Androcles – it was his old friend!

The crowd was astonished and the governor was so amazed by what he saw that he decreed that both should be set free. Thus Androcles and the lion received their freedom, all because the lion showed his gratitude despite his natural instinct to seek food.

To whom in your life are you really grateful for what they have done for you? It may be small acts of kindness or it may be big deeds of sacrifice. Whatever it may be, have you thanked them for it?

Make these magic words and the attitude of gratitude towards others, a normal part of your day. Use them frequently and you will encourage both others and yourself not live selfishly, but to continue to help others in need and thus make the world a better place.

Your words can touch, influence, build, break, destroy, hurt, care or encourage! Your words are powerful and could significantly influence your performance and those around you. What you say and how you say it really matters, as it conveys a message…

Sometimes we say things without really thinking about it, things that would have been better if they remained unsaid. We may tell jokes that are degrading or snap at someone when they meant well or say something unpleasant about someone else, just to discover that they are standing right behind us!

Words can be very destructive, but they can also be uplifting. We have all experienced how a colleague or friend has said just the right word at the right time, and what a difference getting a thank you can make.

Can you imagine what a difference it will make in relationships if we all decide to never break others down with what we are saying, but only boost them?

As relationships are such a key ingredient to anyone’s success, using encouraging words may have far reaching personal effects. But this comes with a warning!

Sincerity can have a reversed effect which might be worse than just saying nothing at all! So mean what you say.

Here are three suggestions on how you can use your words to uplift others:

1. Make a positive remark to someone about a good characteristic they have, how well or lovely they look, or how well they did something. It could be anything, as long as it is sincere positive and specific. Do this every day and see the difference it will make to you and those around you!

2. Say positive things about other people when they are not around. Secondary compliments are even more powerful than face-to-face ones. They will find their way back to the person it was said about – and this could have a huge positive impact on their lives.

3. Resolve to never say anything degrading or devaluing about anyone – no matter who they may be.

Embed these suggestions as habits and you’ll find that people will respond more positively towards you. These improved relationships will inadvertently affect all you do and add to your productivity and overall performance!

Seven small words are so powerful, it can and will change your life!

There are not many words that have the power to unlock possibilities and help people fulfil their potential. But these seven words are crucial to any coach or ambitious person’s toolkit. If you know how to use them effectively, they can be a brush in your hand in front of an open canvas. However, if you use them incorrectly they will create a barrier between you and the person you work with…

Coaching requires many questions to be asked to the person you work with, and this is an art! Before discussing particular effective words, I want to share a few thoughts on questioning itself. This is to ensure that the environment in which the questions are asked is optimised…

1. Know why you are asking specific questions. Your aim is to help clients think through their circumstances and generate possibilities that will help them to reach their goals. This means that you do not need to know everything and should not ask questions to merely satisfy your own curiosity, but rather to help them come up with what will help them move forward. 

2. Make sure that you establish good rapport with your clients before you start with in-depth questioning. If in-depth questions are asked before a suitable level of rapport has been established, your questions may actually cause the client to close off instead of open up.

3. Always ask open questions, questions that cannot be answered with only a “yes” or “no”.

4. Really listen to the speaker, do not use the time to think of what you’ll say next. Let them determine the direction of the conversation.

Once you have created rapport and the right context, the following seven questioning words can be particularly powerful: what, why, how, when, where, who and if. Let’s look at each in turn:

What

This is probably the word that any good coach will use most frequently. It could be used to elicit information, help clients to think through the possible consequences of their actions and assist them in defining their goal. A very strong addition to what is the little word ‘else’. By asking what else continuously, clients are helped to generate countless possibilities from which they could then choose the most appropriate action.

Why

This word should be approached with caution. If it is used wrongly, someone might react defensively, e.g. why did you do that? These questions will then form a barrier between the coach and the client. It is therefore much better to change into a “what” question, e.g. what were the consequences of this action? Or what made you decide to take this action? However, when used to test or increase motivation, why-questions can be very effective. For instance when someone talks about their goal and you want to help them to make it into a strong and compelling reason to follow their dream, ask: why do you want this so much?

How

This word could help people to take action, by thinking through the steps they will need to take to turn their dreams into reality. Asking a question like: how will you go about achieving your goal? will help clients to think through the actions they need to take next. Another powerful how-question would be to ask: how will you know when you’ve reached your goal? This question will help clients to become very clear on what needs to happen and what specific elements are required. This will make it easier for them to recognise when they have achieved their goal.

Who

This word can be used to achieve two major outcomes. Firstly it can help people to find out who they can ask to support them or who could help them reach their goals. Secondly a who-question could help clients to realise their own responsibility for achieving their goals. This question, whose responsibility is this? Can help clients to really take ownership of what needs to be done. This could be a powerful experience for clients when they really take ownership of the goals for their life.

If

This word is used to help clients see possibilities and unlock their creativity, e.g. if you were to do this, what would happen? If you knew the answer, what would you say? If a miracle happened and everything was how you would like it to be, what would your life look like?

When

After someone has decided on their action plan, this word is probably the most effective word that could be used. This word transforms dreams into goals. The word “when” can change an idea into a specific action. When someone has made plans and seem excited about doing it, just ask: when will you do this?

Where

Although this question is not often used, it could be a real gem, especially when it is asked not to determine a specific place, but rather a direction or consequence. For instance asking someone: where will this lead? could help them to realise the consequences or possibilities of their actions and could motivate them to take action as soon as possible. So, if you asked this question after someone said they would clean their garden, they could respond with the following answers: I will not be embarrassed to have friends over anymore, I may even invite my neighbours over… I think we could actually become good friends… This question could thus generate a lot of possibilities and subsequent excitement about the future.

These seven words are powerful, they could change your practise and they could help to change people’s lives. So use them with precision and care and see how they will help people to unlock their amazing potential.