Seven small words are so powerful, it can and will change your life!

There are not many words that have the power to unlock possibilities and help people fulfil their potential. But these seven words are crucial to any coach or ambitious person’s toolkit. If you know how to use them effectively, they can be a brush in your hand in front of an open canvas. However, if you use them incorrectly they will create a barrier between you and the person you work with…

Coaching requires many questions to be asked to the person you work with, and this is an art! Before discussing particular effective words, I want to share a few thoughts on questioning itself. This is to ensure that the environment in which the questions are asked is optimised…

1. Know why you are asking specific questions. Your aim is to help clients think through their circumstances and generate possibilities that will help them to reach their goals. This means that you do not need to know everything and should not ask questions to merely satisfy your own curiosity, but rather to help them come up with what will help them move forward. 

2. Make sure that you establish good rapport with your clients before you start with in-depth questioning. If in-depth questions are asked before a suitable level of rapport has been established, your questions may actually cause the client to close off instead of open up.

3. Always ask open questions, questions that cannot be answered with only a “yes” or “no”.

4. Really listen to the speaker, do not use the time to think of what you’ll say next. Let them determine the direction of the conversation.

Once you have created rapport and the right context, the following seven questioning words can be particularly powerful: what, why, how, when, where, who and if. Let’s look at each in turn:

What

This is probably the word that any good coach will use most frequently. It could be used to elicit information, help clients to think through the possible consequences of their actions and assist them in defining their goal. A very strong addition to what is the little word ‘else’. By asking what else continuously, clients are helped to generate countless possibilities from which they could then choose the most appropriate action.

Why

This word should be approached with caution. If it is used wrongly, someone might react defensively, e.g. why did you do that? These questions will then form a barrier between the coach and the client. It is therefore much better to change into a “what” question, e.g. what were the consequences of this action? Or what made you decide to take this action? However, when used to test or increase motivation, why-questions can be very effective. For instance when someone talks about their goal and you want to help them to make it into a strong and compelling reason to follow their dream, ask: why do you want this so much?

How

This word could help people to take action, by thinking through the steps they will need to take to turn their dreams into reality. Asking a question like: how will you go about achieving your goal? will help clients to think through the actions they need to take next. Another powerful how-question would be to ask: how will you know when you’ve reached your goal? This question will help clients to become very clear on what needs to happen and what specific elements are required. This will make it easier for them to recognise when they have achieved their goal.

Who

This word can be used to achieve two major outcomes. Firstly it can help people to find out who they can ask to support them or who could help them reach their goals. Secondly a who-question could help clients to realise their own responsibility for achieving their goals. This question, whose responsibility is this? Can help clients to really take ownership of what needs to be done. This could be a powerful experience for clients when they really take ownership of the goals for their life.

If

This word is used to help clients see possibilities and unlock their creativity, e.g. if you were to do this, what would happen? If you knew the answer, what would you say? If a miracle happened and everything was how you would like it to be, what would your life look like?

When

After someone has decided on their action plan, this word is probably the most effective word that could be used. This word transforms dreams into goals. The word “when” can change an idea into a specific action. When someone has made plans and seem excited about doing it, just ask: when will you do this?

Where

Although this question is not often used, it could be a real gem, especially when it is asked not to determine a specific place, but rather a direction or consequence. For instance asking someone: where will this lead? could help them to realise the consequences or possibilities of their actions and could motivate them to take action as soon as possible. So, if you asked this question after someone said they would clean their garden, they could respond with the following answers: I will not be embarrassed to have friends over anymore, I may even invite my neighbours over… I think we could actually become good friends… This question could thus generate a lot of possibilities and subsequent excitement about the future.

These seven words are powerful, they could change your practise and they could help to change people’s lives. So use them with precision and care and see how they will help people to unlock their amazing potential.

Have you ever felt that you could be so much more, achieve so much more? That if you really commit to your dreams and gave it your all, it could actually become reality? Maybe you feel this deep down, but with all the pressures and daily demands, you seem unable to find time to work on yourself and the things you really want in life. And that leaves you with the distinct feeling that you are not fulfilling your potential – not progressing or developing yourself.

Webster’s dictionary defines growth as progressive development – and that sometimes seem like the missing link in our lives. We know we could be so much more, but we no longer experience “progressive development” or growth in our personal lives. Fortunately life coaching can help in our endeavour to develop and become the best we can be. Coaching aims to help you build on your inherent potential and strive towards making your goals reality.

When we think about growth we often assume that it is a natural process that will occur instinctively. We look at nature and see that everything seem to “just grow” or we see how babies appear to develop overnight – and we falsely conclude that growth, including personal growth, will happen automatically. Unfortunately this is not true. Although growth is a natural process, it will not happen naturally, unless two factors are present. These two factors are just as important for mental, emotional and spiritual development and growth as they are for physical growth.

Firstly, the right type of nutrition is essential. Nutrition is a crucial ingredient to any formula for growth. When it comes to physical development, it is easy to know what is important and good for growth: we know a tree needs soil, sunlight and water. However, when it comes to the development of our inherent potential, we are not always so sure about the right nutrition – and unless we get it, we will not reach our full potential. Fortunately life coaching can help a great deal, since a personal coach can assist us in determining what is really important to us, help us to develop our potential in those areas and thus grow towards greater fulfilment.

Secondly, growth can only take place if the nutrition is acquired in the right quantities. For instance, an oak tree that was planted in very shallow soil and got great amounts of sunlight, but almost no water would look a lot different from the oak that was planted in fertile ground and got just the right amount of water and sunlight. Although both acorns had the potential to grow into big oak trees and although they both received nutrition, both did not grow to their full capability. Unless nutrition is given in the right amounts and the right order, it could actually prevent growth from taking place. The same is true when it comes to our own personal development – although we may have inherent potential and although we may have discovered what is important to us and how to develop this through coaching, we will not grow to our full potential, unless we also prioritise and take action steps to get there.

In summary, what can we learn from nature that can help us to take control of our lives and grow again? What could we do to fulfil our enormous potential?

1) Although growth is a natural process, it will not happen naturally, unless you invest in it. Therefore get yourself a personal development book, get a coach or subscribe to habittool.com’s continuing education program.

2) Even if we know what is important for us to grow, we still need to consciously prioritise our growth requirements – it will make it easier to reach our goals. Start by writing a list of what you really value in life and then put them in order of importance. You will find that it does not only simplify decision-making, but will indeed help you to be more fulfilled in life when you live according to these principles. For a technique to help you discover what to focus on, read the article: “GROWth Coaching”, at http://leapinlife-coaching.com/blog/

So what will you do to reach your full potential and make your dreams reality?

Author: Jaco Beukes – Personal Performance and Life Coach – LEAP in Life Coaching and a HabitTool.com associate