Archive for January, 2010

How to inspire others

Have you ever had the desire to inspire? That feeling that you wanted other people to look to you and feel their hearts getting warmer and their decisions to make the most of their lives clearer?

We have probably all heard of people or met others who seem to elevate us by the way they approach life. They may have overcome the greatest odds to reach the top of their field or they may have managed to do only “normal” things like running a marathon or learning to read or write, but they did it with significantly less resources than we have. These people are inspirational and we can learn a lot from them.

Well known inspirational people like Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Ghandi and Helen Keller all seem to be driven as well as centered at the same time. The combination of these two characteristics seems to play a role in making them extraordinary. This ability to be driven while they are centered appears to help them through difficult times and make them inspirational. Therefore, if we want to learn from them and also inspire others, we also need to cultivate these two characteristics.

• Being centered. These inspirational people’s actions stem from a deep conviction about life. They know what they believe and value and they are not uncertain about their purpose in life. Their centeredness thus spring from the fact that they know what they stand for. They have a clear vision of what they would like life to look like and therefore they believe in what they are doing. They follow their heart, no matter what the odds are or what their circumstances are and this has inspired others to also carry on in the face of adversity.

•  Being driven. Because inspirational people really believe in what they are doing, they are focussed on what they want to achieve. They have set their eyes on the prize, the ideal they want to achieve and they will not allow anything else to distract them from this mission. Their clear and almost single-minded focus thus enables them to put all their energy into making their dream a reality and thereby inspire other people.

These two characteristics set inspirational people apart from others. However, these are also qualities that each one of us can develop in our lives. You can become centered by thinking about what you believe.

Take some time to think about what you want to do with your life by answering the following questions:

§  What are you convicted about?

§ What are your dreams for the world and other people?

§ What is your purpose in life?

Once you have your purpose, put your energy into making your dream a reality by focussing on it and setting appropriate goals to achieve it.

When you do this, you will become driven – not by your dreams, but by your purpose. When you transfer these qualities of being driven and centered by your purpose to every aspect of your life, you will not only live a purposeful and focussed life, but will indeed be inspiring to others as well.

We live in a time where the general attitude is: “each one for him or herself!” Yet, if you take the time to think about all the people in your life, you will realise that there are many who do not live by this philosophy. People who go out of their way to help, support and encourage others. People who are willing to make big sacrifices for the benefit of others they know like friends, colleagues, parents, family members or even those they do not know.

In most cases they prefer for their kindness not to be named. However, should you speak the magic words to these unselfish people it will light up their lives and be exactly what they need to carry on. The magic words are: “Thank you”.

There is an ancient story of a slave with the name of Androcles who lived in Roman times. His master was cruel to him and one day he escaped. He went into a nearby forest and hid in a cave. What he didn’t know, though, was that the cave was actually the den of a huge lion. After a while in the cave, Androcles heard the roar of a lion and tried to escape, but the lion was already in the entrance. Androcles thought it was the end of his life. To his surprise however, instead of attacking him, the lion limped to the side of the cave and made little whining noises.

When Androcles saw this, he went to the lion, lifted his paw and saw that in the inflamed and swollen paw a huge thorn had embedded itself. Androcles removed the thorn, forced pus from the wound and dressed it as best as he could. The wound healed completely. From that day forward Androcles and the lion shared the cave.

The lion even shared his food with the former slave. After living together for a few years, Androcles decided to go back to society. However, when he was recognised, he was arrested and taken to the theatre to be devoured by wild animals. On the day of his execution in the arena, the hungry animals were set loose. Amongst the other animals was a huge lion who stopped and smelt the air. He then ran to Androcles and licked his hand and rubbed his giant head against Androcles – it was his old friend!

The crowd was astonished and the governor was so amazed by what he saw that he decreed that both should be set free. Thus Androcles and the lion received their freedom, all because the lion showed his gratitude despite his natural instinct to seek food.

To whom in your life are you really grateful for what they have done for you? It may be small acts of kindness or it may be big deeds of sacrifice. Whatever it may be, have you thanked them for it?

Make these magic words and the attitude of gratitude towards others, a normal part of your day. Use them frequently and you will encourage both others and yourself not live selfishly, but to continue to help others in need and thus make the world a better place.

The beginning of the year is a time of dreaming about the future, setting new goals and striving towards making this year more of a success than the previous one. Most people have realised that New Year’s resolutions don’t work. You need solid goals to pursue. However, most of these goals usually focus on working harder, doing more and becoming better. So much focus is placed on striving forward that we forget an age-old wisdom caught beautifully in the old English proverb: “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

Many of us grew up with a very strong work ethic and the high pressure circumstances we live in presently, contribute to this idea of always going at full pace, as if work is all there is to life. Although this driven attitude is admirable, and is commended, an exclusive focus on only work, may leave you as a dull or rather burnt-out person.

Just as important as it is to set goals and work hard, it is also crucial that we laugh and experience activities that provide us with enjoyment and energy. You have probably experienced going home after a long day at work, feeling tired and drained. And how a change of activity can fill up your energy reserves again, like when you play with your children, go for a game of squash, or read an intriguing novel. These activities bring balance into our lives. Unfortunately, most people are not so serious about making these activities a priority in their lives.

As with goals for success we need to set some goals for playing and having fun too. Therefore, as you pull out your calendar to set goals for your work also put some of the following events in your diary. Decide what you will do in each category to increase your level of fun and enjoyment.

1. Sport

Some people really enjoy their sport, whether they are taking part in formal competitions, participating informally in the park or just watching their favourite team play. For them sport can instantly lift their mood and change their state of mind. If you are one of them, what are you going to this year to make your particular sport a greater priority in your life?

2. Culture

Cultural activities also have the ability to lift your mood and change your emotional state. Some people will feel uplifted by going to a gig of their favourite Rock band, while others enjoy listening to a symphony orchestra or watching ballet. Others may prefer a poetry reading in front of a log fire or attending a stand-up comedy evening. Whatever your choice of cultural activity may be, they all have one thing in common, whether you are on stage or one of the audience, they can energise and uplift you.

They have a strong influence on our emotions and can provide us with a lot of enjoyment. Which cultural activities have this effect on you and when was the last time you’ve participated in any of these activities?

3. Hobbies

Other activities that have the power to re-energise you, is participating in hobbies. Something that you can immerse yourself in like an excellent novel. You may have experienced being very irritated about something, but the moment you pick that book up, you step into another world and when you step back to the real world again, the irritation has gone. Maybe that happens to you when you watch a good movie or cook a great meal or maybe you find enormous pleasure in being with animals or having a pet. What hobbies or activities give you pleasure and how are you going to make these a bigger part of your life this year?

4. Travel

Is life still an adventure to you? Did you dream about the places you would visit when you were young? Maybe these mystical places were just your grandmother’s back garden or maybe you dreamt of going to the Taj Mahal or Angkor Wat. Some people love to travel and explore different countries and cultures, while others prefer to stay in their hometown or their own country. Whatever your preference may be, do you still get excited by thinking or dreaming about these places? Are there still places you would love to visit or would love to return to? Where will you be going this year?

Focussing on these four areas of your life and setting goals for each one of them, not just for your work life, will increase the positive experience you get out of this year immensely. Do this and you will have an unforgettable year!

Three reasons why people stop exercising after January – and how to overcome them

 The Christmas holidays are over and you may be weighing a little more than you wanted to, but fortunately it is a New Year – and that means that you can start fresh. It is time to set some New Year’s resolutions. According to research about a third of those who set these resolutions will do it in the area of losing weight or exercising more[i].

This seems like a wise thing to do, because on average people who are active live longer than those who are not. Active people usually also have a greater capacity for physical, emotional and mental stress and they normally have higher energy levels than people who do not exercise. You have probably experienced that you could feel really drained emotionally or mentally and after a bit of exercise, whether it be a quick run or a game of squash with a friend that you feel a 100% better. Correct exercise together with a healthy eating plan is also an effective way of loosing weight.

Gyms usually see a rise in their membership numbers in the beginning of the year, yet not many of those who start out will continue throughout the year. They will go very regularly during the first month and after that may only visit once or twice a month or stop all together. When you ask these people why they do not go to the gym anymore, the reason that they will probably give you is that they do not have enough time. This may be true, yet they did have time earlier in the year, so it sounds a little bit like an excuse. The real reason for this phenomenon of stopping exercise after January tends to fall into these three categories: either not having enough motivation to keep on exercising; not having a clear plan or goal to exercise for and not enjoying the exercise sessions. As these are common obstacles, let’s look at each in turn and how to overcome these barriers successfully.

1. Not having enough motivation. This happens when people are either not yet confronted by the effects of not exercising regularly or if they do not realise the benefits of regular exercise. Not exercising regularly can severely impair your health at a later stage of your life, while regular exercise will significantly improve your physical, emotional and mental health. By exercising frequently you’ll be able to burn fat faster, increase your energy levels, boost your self-esteem and relieve stress. These are real benefits that will improve your life beyond just losing a few pounds after Christmas. You need a strong enough reason to maintain motivation to exercise. The best way to remain motivated is to set  a goal for yourself, like running a 5 km race or losing 5 pounds in a month. This goal needs to be time specific so that you realise you have to exercise to reach it within the given time framework.

2. Not having a clear plan. You sometimes see people in the gym darting from one machine to the next, without following a clear plan for their workout. These people tend to use their membership very infrequently. They do not have an apparent purpose of what they want to achieve, neither do they have a clear plan of how they will achieve it. The best way to develop a plan is first to decide what you need to do to achieve your goal. Secondly, speak to a personal trainer or read a book on how to achieve your goal and then design a workout routine that will help you to reach your goal and fit into your schedule. Be specific about what you need to do and how you will do it. Thirdly, create a specific routine of when you will exercise. It will be much easier to commit to an exercise plan, if you know exactly when it needs to happen. This will help you to continue with your exercise program and achieve the goals you’ve set for yourself.

3. Not having any fun while exercising! When you do not enjoy something, you will need a lot of will power and energy to continue with it. Most people tend to stop if they do not enjoy something or at least enjoy the benefits of it. The same is true of exercise. Some people get exhilarated when they run ten miles, for others it is their worst nightmare! The key to continued exercise is therefore to find something that you enjoy doing or making the specific exercise you are doing fun. For instance, if you want to work on your fitness, but do not really like the treadmill, play some squash instead. Or if you want to do strength exercises but find it tedious, get a training partner to make it more fun. Consider playing a team sport like volleyball or join a running or swimming club or do any other sport you have always thought you would enjoy. When you enjoy what you are doing, you’ll increase the likelihood of continuing your exercise throughout the year significantly.

It is always important to start exercising relatively slowly and not overdo it in the beginning. Aching muscles tend to steal motivation as well! Also see your GP before you start exercising if you have any medical conditions or have any other concerns.

Make 2010 a year in which you keep your New Year’s resolutions, by overcoming the three obstacles to continued exercise.

How to make the most of your life

 Have you ever been in a situation where you wished that whatever you were doing would just be over? It may have been an embarrassing situation or even something painful. However, this wish occurs most often when we are doing some activity that we have to do or when we are spending time with people we have to spend time with. You may have had to attend a meeting or conference that you really did not want to be at or you may have had relatives visiting you who you would rather not see. Before you know it, you’ve wished your time, and with that, your life away!

We all know that time is our most precious commodity, each of us have only a limited amount of time on earth and we don’t know how much it will be. We therefore need to make the most of every hour and every day and not waste it or wish it away. We have all experienced times when we want time to pass quickly and that it is not always easy to make the most of the time you have, especially when you must do something you don’t enjoy.

Fortunately there is a very powerful question that you can ask yourself in these situations that will help you to change your attitude almost instantly. This question could help you to turn dreadful meetings into fun events and bad experiences into learning opportunities. So ask yourself:

“How could I make NOW the best time it could possibly be?”

This is a very powerful question, since by merely asking this question, you are affirming a number of things to yourself:

1. You are accepting ownership for your attitude and your behaviour. You are not asking what others should do, but what you could do – if you really wanted to. This allows you to consider all your options. Asking “how” is a way to empower yourself to see possibilities and take control back from a situation that may have seemed out of control.

2. You are realising the power of NOW. You are not living in the past or the future, but realise that you will have this minute, this hour or this day only once in your life and never again. This is your life and it is no use wishing it away, because it will pass eventually. By making the most of every moment and living in the NOW, you are taking control of your time. Even if you have to do something unpleasant you are not wishing your life away.

3. You are not saying that you will enjoy putting out the garbage or ironing the pile of washing, but you are asking yourself how this could be the best possible time it could be. This means that even if you have to iron the clothes, you could do it while listening to your favourite music or watching your favourite movie. When you are taking out the garbage, you could speak to some of your neighbours. By asking this part of the question, you are taking responsibility for your attitude and how much or how little fun you’ll have while doing things you do not necessarily, and may never enjoy.

 Ask yourself this question frequently, whether you are doing things that you absolutely love or things you couldn’t care less about, and you will find that you will make the most of your time and with it, your life.

How to give the perfect gift this Christmas

There is nothing quite as awkward as receiving a gift you do not want or need. We have all been there: another handkerchief, or an ornament that doesn’t fit anywhere! Although these situations (and gifts) are unwanted, we can learn a valuable lesson from them, and that is how to give the perfect gift. If you want someone to be pleased with your gift, you first need to ask yourself what it is that they really want or need, not what you can get away with (or rid of).

Therefore, if you want to give the perfect gift you need to know what people crave above all else. Although you may use this guideline to seek out the perfect present for a loved one, you can also use it to bring joy to everyone around you. What is the one thing that people will risk looking stupid for? What is more important than material possessions or even status? What do people crave above all else?

Love and acceptance.

These two concepts go hand-in-hand and can really change someone’s life for the better if they have it and for the worse if they don’t. This implies that you accept people for who they are without trying to change their personality or passion to suit you. It also means that you love them unconditionally, with no strings attached. You love and accept them simply because of who they are, not because of what they do or what they have given you. For instance, if your two year old throws the Cheerios all over the floor, you are not suddenly going to stop loving her. Of course you didn’t like the mess she has made and you probably thought that there was nothing to cheer about as it stuck under your feet! However, you still love her.  What she did, did not stop you from continuing to love her. On the other hand, we often forget this principle of unconditional love and acceptance when we are dealing with other significant people in our lives. Have you ever wondered what would happen if you decided to apply this principle to other areas of your life and give other people this gift of love and acceptance? It may change their lives and it may even change yours.

So, how can you give this gift practically?

1. Listen

You have probably heard the expression that you have two ears and one mouth, meaning that we should listen twice as much as we speak. This certainly is true if you want to address someone’s deepest needs. Become healthily curious by listening to their stories, their complaints and their highlights. Be interested in others and it will communicate loud and clear that you accept them and care about them. When you are giving someone a listening ear, you are giving them your time and when you are doing that, you are giving them your life. This is a great gift.

2. Encourage and support

When you do speak, make sure that your words will feed people’s souls. Strive to always say something encouraging and uplifting. Avoid giving cheap advice, rather support people to be themselves and to become the best they can be. Inspire them to live by their own high standards.

3. Help practically

After you’ve used your ears and mouth, use your hands and serve them practically. The best way to know what to do is to constantly have one question at the back of your mind: how can I help this person right now? As long as you are tuned into their needs and really listened to them, you will also be able to respond to their needs, even if it is a very small act. It will communicate love and acceptance to them if it is thoughtful and help to address their need.

This is the season of giving, so it is a good time to start cultivating this habit of giving unconditional love and acceptance. Once you have made this a part of your life, you will find that it is a gift that keeps on giving and people will blossom all around you, and that makes love and acceptance the perfect gift.